A Vocabulary Lesson for Parents
By age five children will have heard the word “No” 40,000 times. As a parent, communicating the difference between right and wrong to children is seldom easy and rarely happens in convenient moments. What is easy is cutting corners and simply saying “No.”
In the busy world of parenting responsibilities where parents are fighting schedules and time restraints, children are fighting parents for quality time. Children don’t know how to ask for a piece of a parent’s time, so they behave in the ways necessary to get recognized. If children do, more often, what is disagreeable to parents than, they will more frequently hear the word “No.” In their fight for attention, this can cause them to be immune to the effects of the word “No.” When it does have an effect, children can be confused by its meaning. For example, you know the difference between the disagreeing “no” of buying them candy and the panicked reaction of yelling “No” to the hazards of a hot stove. Does your child?
Avoiding overuse of the word “No,” will take a little bit of effort and recognition on your part. Consider the difference between the word “No” and the word “Stop” for example. Phonetically, if you say the word “No” three times in a row, you will see how it rolls off the tongue like the rounds from an automatic weapon. Its piercing affect can have a negative impact on children’s self-confidence. However, when you say the more specific directive “Stop” three times in a row, you might realize it takes slightly more energy to say. Hence, in parents’ efforts to preserve time and energy amidst growing responsibilities, it becomes understandable as to why “No” becomes the more preferable word of choice.
Obviously, you would prefer not using either word, “Stop” or “No,” with your children, but this is unrealistic. Like an energy efficient light bulb, your extra investment into saying the “Stop” directive over “No” will create significant amounts of your energy's reduced. First, children are less confusion by what you really mean. When you accept responsibility for what you say, you not your children, control how it influences their behavior. A forewarning, if your children are already pre-conditioned to being told “No,” they will not immediately get that you are trying to change your ways. Be patient. Any significant change worth doing right takes time.
Here is a fun way to get started. Children love "Red Light, "Green Light." This easy-to-learn game is adaptable to your everyday routines and appropriate for ages 2 and above. Use it to help children learn the value of the "Stop" directive. Based on the traffic light concept children perform any function like pushing a shopping cart, walking a dog or brushing their teeth. They stop when you say, "Red Light" and start when you say "Green Light." When repeated and treated like a game, children feel less suppressed and more motivated by the fun of your directives.
Games like "Red Light, Green Light" help build active listening and critical thinking skills that support the gateway to you seeing your children demonstrate good behaviors more consistently. In the end, your children become more the model of your expectations. This parenting tool is effective if you always remember to apply one of my golden rules of coaching: You have to play just for fun sometimes, not just when a "Red Light" is necessary.
See you in class!
Copyright © 2007-2010 by Bradley J. Kayden. All Rights Reserved.
In the busy world of parenting responsibilities where parents are fighting schedules and time restraints, children are fighting parents for quality time. Children don’t know how to ask for a piece of a parent’s time, so they behave in the ways necessary to get recognized. If children do, more often, what is disagreeable to parents than, they will more frequently hear the word “No.” In their fight for attention, this can cause them to be immune to the effects of the word “No.” When it does have an effect, children can be confused by its meaning. For example, you know the difference between the disagreeing “no” of buying them candy and the panicked reaction of yelling “No” to the hazards of a hot stove. Does your child?
Avoiding overuse of the word “No,” will take a little bit of effort and recognition on your part. Consider the difference between the word “No” and the word “Stop” for example. Phonetically, if you say the word “No” three times in a row, you will see how it rolls off the tongue like the rounds from an automatic weapon. Its piercing affect can have a negative impact on children’s self-confidence. However, when you say the more specific directive “Stop” three times in a row, you might realize it takes slightly more energy to say. Hence, in parents’ efforts to preserve time and energy amidst growing responsibilities, it becomes understandable as to why “No” becomes the more preferable word of choice.
Obviously, you would prefer not using either word, “Stop” or “No,” with your children, but this is unrealistic. Like an energy efficient light bulb, your extra investment into saying the “Stop” directive over “No” will create significant amounts of your energy's reduced. First, children are less confusion by what you really mean. When you accept responsibility for what you say, you not your children, control how it influences their behavior. A forewarning, if your children are already pre-conditioned to being told “No,” they will not immediately get that you are trying to change your ways. Be patient. Any significant change worth doing right takes time.
Here is a fun way to get started. Children love "Red Light, "Green Light." This easy-to-learn game is adaptable to your everyday routines and appropriate for ages 2 and above. Use it to help children learn the value of the "Stop" directive. Based on the traffic light concept children perform any function like pushing a shopping cart, walking a dog or brushing their teeth. They stop when you say, "Red Light" and start when you say "Green Light." When repeated and treated like a game, children feel less suppressed and more motivated by the fun of your directives.
Games like "Red Light, Green Light" help build active listening and critical thinking skills that support the gateway to you seeing your children demonstrate good behaviors more consistently. In the end, your children become more the model of your expectations. This parenting tool is effective if you always remember to apply one of my golden rules of coaching: You have to play just for fun sometimes, not just when a "Red Light" is necessary.
See you in class!
Copyright © 2007-2010 by Bradley J. Kayden. All Rights Reserved.
Comments
Post a Comment