Know and Develop the Self-Confident Child and the Self-Assured Child in Sports

The Self-Confident Child knows he or she is capable of playing sports.

The Self-Assured Child knows he or she is safe, comfortable, and secure while playing sports.

A frequent topic of discussion with sports parents of younger children involves their confusion around the duality that exists in children's behaviors towards sports.

Let me give you an example, your child won't stop talking about sports practice. He or she can't wait for the day of practice but once there, Mom and Dad can't understand why the child doesn't want to participate.

Like us, a child can lack self-confidence, self-assurance, or both. It is important to know which ones you are confronting because each requires a little different sports parenting approach.

KNOWING AND DEVELOPING THE SELF-CONFIDENT CHILD

A child lacking self-confidence often lacks familiarity with the sport itself. Focusing more on playing the sport for fun before practice can dramatically increase self-confidence. Let it be known, young children are often quick to voice their discontent or behave with hesitation about attending practice. This typically happens if they are experiencing difficulty practicing a new skill. A very common confidence issue, I have found it often only requires children to get to practice and once there self-confidence is reignited.

KNOWING AND DEVELOPING THE SELF-ASSURED CHILD

A child lacking self-assurance often lacks the security to play sports in a group. This requires a little deeper thinking. It is important to remember that every new experience, for your child and you, will bring a degree of uncertainty that leads to a lack of self-assurance. It is your job as a sports parent to help children work through these times.

I have identified three common behaviors associated with children that lack self-assurance. Clinging, inactive observation, or active observation. A clinging child is distraught with insecurity and resistant to participate. An observant child unwilling to participate is one that is still learning just not actively. And, an observant child who is a partial participant is easing into the process, feeling things out.

Your presence is often enough to give a child the feeling of security or self-assurance. As you work on reassuring your child remember to encourage but never push a child into sports. They will participate but only when they are ready. Early sports classes are designed to introduce and reassure kids. The experience should never be contingent upon how much money you paid for sports class. Always remember it is the child's needs not yours that are being worked on.

One suggestion I often tell parents is to join the class off to the side. You can mirror the coach or take the role of a child. Children can find security watching you participate as they would have to. However, remember that as you do, do not keep pressuring your child to participate. This only distracts them from seeing the fun that exists in practicing sports.

For clinging children, an important suggestion is to try your best to avoid picking your child up. At first, they will act out. They need to begin understanding that sports practice is a time for a child to learn how to act independently of Mom & Dad. This is one of the very simple lessons many parents miss. If you remove your child from practice because he or she is acting out, don't leave. Stay close enough for your child to continue viewing practice. Leaving sends the wrong message to children, like it’s alright to act out and break commitments. Staying can also afford you opportunities to take coaching lessons home and work with your child there.

Many very young children (ages 2-3) possess self-confidence and self-assurance issues. They are normal and the reason why Jelly Bean Sports offer classes for very young children. These, as I mentioned, are times they can begin to shake their confidence and insecurity issues.

If you have an older child, age 4+, that possesses both a self-confidence and self-assurance issues there are a number of things to keep in mind. First, let the child slowly enter into a new sports practice without pressure. Anything new does require a little time. If the problem persists more than three weeks in team play, the possibility is the child needs to return to sports classes. The other possibility is the problem lies with you. Intrusive or over-involved parenting is a big problem in our society today. Children need to be encouraged but they also need to be given the space necessary to function independently of Mom and Dad. Opportunities for unstructured play experiences can help a child create the self-confidence and self-assurance they need to play sports.

So if your child is behaving differently at practice than at home try to discern if it is a self-confidence issue or a self-assurance issue. Like medicine, solving the problem starts by making the right diagnosis. This is one that I think many parents would otherwise condense and call self-confidence or self-assurance. Hopefully now you know the difference.

See you in class,

Coach Pickles